I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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