i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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