Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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