I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
