I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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