He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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