i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
