If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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