ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
