He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
