What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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