4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In America we eat man semen.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
