I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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