I hate your face
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
