I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
