Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
