fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can I color on your dick again?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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