When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
