This girl is more easily done than said...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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