How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
