Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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