I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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