You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we're making bets on your personal life
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
