There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
