It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wish my penis had a tongue
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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