I want to stick my p in your. b.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
