he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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