So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
