i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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