considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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