he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
