she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
