So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
