I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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