Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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