love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
