RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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