Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
