im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
