i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
