and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
