Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
