The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
