John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
