About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
