Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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