So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
