My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
