In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
