where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
