matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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