This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
