you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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