I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
