Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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