What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
