just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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